it ends where it began

Nice picture huh? This is me and my boyfriend today. It can really be deceiving ta first glance...normal happy couple taking a happy picture together. But underneath this picture comes sadness, and a relationship's fragile existance....Today, we have admitted that we both loved each other but were not IN LOVE...Take this picture and put it in with a sad song, and you'll get a girl staring at an ending, a goodbye. "i just wish i met you later on in life" he said, and i felt the same way.No lie, i have loved him more than anyone in my life and i mean that. After all the time of trying to fix the knotts , we came to find that the rope ends where it began. We went to the park today with a matt, a pillow and a blanket... lying down together while in our minds, the things we have been thinking about-- us, school, and pretty much whats in store for the rest of our lives. Arroyo park, where he had asked me to be his, became the park where we finally both agreed that an "us" will not work out at this time of our lives...a possibility of later on? maybe? i dont know. We have digged a hole of adventures, happiness, sadness, love, and laughter--treasures...only to find that its purpose was to be slowly burried as our feelings slowly starts to deteriorate...I cant see him as my soul mate and neither can he. Its really more tragic to find that theres an agreement between lost feelings. Its a guaranteed 100% farewell...as someone youre in love becomes someone you USED to be in love with, but still loves in a a strange way...Everything does not matter now... the things that we got wrong, flaws, our problems and faults... Im focusing on cherishing every ounce of love and time we have left...

We decided stay together a little bit longer for the time being...but we both come to terms that this is one of those slow good byes. So here it is....im counting down...

scatter brain

Well since vivian has showed me the urks and stuff of blog spot (just finished talking to her on the phone for 2 HOURS while shes in vegas) i decided to make one cause it seems very "theraputic". Well what else can a psychotic girl do? haha jk. Anyway my summer has been awesomely horrible, in cliche, a rollercoaster. But all i can say is that this summer has really helped me get to know myself better. I realized that i cant please everyone nor can i get along with everyone i meet, or someone who i used to get along with. it sucks, but reality just slapped my face. haha.
anyway, this summer i have grown to love the beach much much more than ever before..oh how relaxing and fun the beach is. and so far my current addiction is venice beach. Theres probably plenty of better beaches out there, but it can wait bwuahah. The first time i went was with my brother and my cousin from Canada (my summer is awesome thanks to his visit). Went to universal studios with the cousin, my aunt, and two of my brothers. It was pretty fun, except the fact that my aunt seemed like she was in a hurry to take us around O_O. blehh. Next stop is venice beach the next day and all i can say is IM IN LOVE. haha just so many shops, food, and ofcourse the beach. combine it all together and you get heaven for me. I dont know, the place is just so lively, so much diversity. hand made bracelates, earrings, bags i love it :]. then hollywood, with those people dressed up as character. ZORO pulled me over to take a picture with my bf, and suddenly yoda popped out too. weird combo? yeah. then they asked for tip. those f*ckers, i didnt ask for a picture! haha. took pictures everywhere like a tourist lol, then shopped around, then had the best food at PALMS mmmm. knocked out in the car and took pictures of my bf while he was sleeping. he always looks funny.. ha!
Went to six falgs the next day, including my bf again, FUN FUN FUN but i hated the lines. killed the thrill of the whole thing. its like rollercoaster for like a 2 min then waiting for like an hour. freakishly tiring.


My loveky grandma turned 90 this summer, and i have to say her party was pretty fabulous haha. Its funny how her invitations said "dont miss out on this legendary moment" haha, pretty funny. i love my grandma. But her children are out of control! haha rebels who make life so complicating. so many secret families i have. I met my "supposedly" cousin from a woman who was never married to my uncle. Heard that my grandma preffered her more, and i saw why, she was so nice, and sophisticated, than the one my uncle actually married (which i know is crazy , not literally but just you know..ill tell you but its sooo long). Anyway my "aunt" (the one my uncle did not marry, technically shes my aunt cause her daugter is my cousin) visited the day after with my cousin and 3 of her children (who by the way are the cutest things ever!). We ended up going to the beach with them (VENICE BEACH ironically heehee, then we ate out in LA) and i got to know them which was pretty cool, i just wish i knew them much longer cause "theyre still strangers" feeling is still in me.but it was really cool meeting them. anyway 2 of my other uncles have secret families as well, yeah i know right? its a sope opera. and thats not all the drama on my moms side. my dads side is pretty sane LOL, and theyre pretty much who i grew up with so im pretty familiar with all of them.

anyway this is getting too long and im tired of typing. my brain is still scattered. ill blog later. tah tah!