Well so far it seems as if things with me and kevin got better today? I cant really make any logical explanation as of why I am doing the things that i am at this point...Maybe all i can say is, once the ugly truth is out, the fear of hurting someone you love with your honest feelings start to disappear. I guess this honesty is really better than sincere lies, and careful wording towards someone who you know loves you. I have noticed a more laid back us...no going around the bushes to say any thoughts no matter what they are and I like that. Why couldnt it be like this before? really... My close friends all say that i deserve someone better, and i know that, but i really have thrown all my logic out the door, well most, i still have some left? haha. Yeah, im not scared anymore to really say and show how i feel even if it gets him mad or sad...it makes things easier to let go..It makes forgive and forget become such a little task for me, and it seems like for him as well. It makes the weight on my shoulders lighter...
So all i can ask is, what is really left? What am i to do with the oh so complicating "i love you but not in love with you?" What am i doing here? I dont know anymore. Id rather let things disappate than let go all of a sudden and suddenly want the person back right away...
ANYWAY, went to the orientation that i didnt need to go to. Met people, but i shouldve taken some numbers -_- guess that wasnt on my mind. Im excited for school XD. I want to work on campus so im going to look at it tomorrow, or maybe even after this. heehee. Hey it makes life easier right? Plus you get to meet people that can become your future bff hahah (paris) or someone that can come in handy and dandy in the future. Im excited to drive, to move out (if i am *crosses finger* stupid financial aid is being weird).. weeee! Just cant wait to really be out there. Joined the volunteer organization csuf and found out about this hospital that goes to mexico monthly to help medically, and i sooooo want to do it! Ive been wanting to do this type of stuff but i dont know where to start. And i get to go to the gym for free, noice! screw 24 hour fitness!! haha. The scavenger hunt was really tiring but my team ended up not winning :[. oh well. but guess what?! We had a raffle and suf gave away different types of prizes and shananigans, and while there were at it i told my bf that "iim the most unlucky person in the world", they called my name O_o HAHA. I got to get gift certificates for rubios and golden spoom, a clock thing? a hat and a little booklet with a pen? anything free is good right? lol. I also won a tshirt XD. And this is getting too long....so i wont say anymore.
TAH TAH
So all i can ask is, what is really left? What am i to do with the oh so complicating "i love you but not in love with you?" What am i doing here? I dont know anymore. Id rather let things disappate than let go all of a sudden and suddenly want the person back right away...
ANYWAY, went to the orientation that i didnt need to go to. Met people, but i shouldve taken some numbers -_- guess that wasnt on my mind. Im excited for school XD. I want to work on campus so im going to look at it tomorrow, or maybe even after this. heehee. Hey it makes life easier right? Plus you get to meet people that can become your future bff hahah (paris) or someone that can come in handy and dandy in the future. Im excited to drive, to move out (if i am *crosses finger* stupid financial aid is being weird).. weeee! Just cant wait to really be out there. Joined the volunteer organization csuf and found out about this hospital that goes to mexico monthly to help medically, and i sooooo want to do it! Ive been wanting to do this type of stuff but i dont know where to start. And i get to go to the gym for free, noice! screw 24 hour fitness!! haha. The scavenger hunt was really tiring but my team ended up not winning :[. oh well. but guess what?! We had a raffle and suf gave away different types of prizes and shananigans, and while there were at it i told my bf that "iim the most unlucky person in the world", they called my name O_o HAHA. I got to get gift certificates for rubios and golden spoom, a clock thing? a hat and a little booklet with a pen? anything free is good right? lol. I also won a tshirt XD. And this is getting too long....so i wont say anymore.
TAH TAH
