internalizing what people think of me
if you think of me that way then ill be like that to you.
anywhere is home except my house

so i think i might be going crazy...........


no im not serious sheesh. or AM I? haha
well today i went to deb's and was telling her about last weekend and my week so far.
everything i pretty much told her happened but in different order than it actually is, but in my head it totally made sense...until i realized that i didnt do that the same day wtf...O_o
you know what i mean? (i dont even know who im talkin to while writing this haha)


before i start, i want to make sure the today is wednesday..ok it is...haha..
i know i went to forever 21 and i specifically told deb that i went yesterday. then i told her story about how i finished my bio paper on sunday but before i even started with the paper i tried every excuse to lag on it. so i told her that i played the DS, i went to quickly, then i went to the mall to go to forever 21, then i went to costco, then kevin came over, we were supposed to study but we fell asleep O_O.

then deb was like, i thought you went to forever 21 yesterday? and i was like OH YEAH. WTF...
so i realized that I DID go there yesterday cause i only had a night class.
then i realized that me and kevin didnt fall asleep yesterday, that was monday cause he didnt have work.
and i realized that i didnt go to quickly on sunday, i went yesterday..(tuesday) and me and kevin actually studied for sociology yesterday without falling asleep..

UGH oh my goodness what wrong with me?! it totally made sense to me when i said it to deb.

well here's is what really happened (i cant remember all of it but from my analysis right now heres what i got so far)
SAT- studied with matt at fullerton, then spent time with kevin at night cause he didnt go to work that day
SUNDAY- woke up early, didnt know what i did after, then tried to do my paper but lagged it so i watched TV and played DS and other crap i dont remember, ended up finishing the paper that night.
MONDAY- school, TRIED to study with kev but we fell asleep cause of food coma?, then idk what happened after that
TUESDAY- woke up early again, didnt know what i did after, then went to quickly got milk tea, went to forever 21, went to costco, then went back home, then kev came over and we ACTUALLY studied, then uh i think he left.
TODAY- school, home, deb's house, and back home again

NOW im here!
so yes there you go.
im really worried about my brain. oh myyyy..

so yeah. i hate my parents.

its needs to stop

so i think i have a problem.
and it seriously needs to stop.
sighhhhh

weekend

WOW. this weekend is crazy...
i dont even know where to start. so friday i went to class in the morning. my one and only class that day, freakin waste of gas. so after that i wanted to see if debbie is working so i can visit her. but thats not till 6 at night. so i was like what to dooo what to dooo.
I ended up calling kevin cause ive been thinking,and i guess i was ready to talk three days after that incident. O_O..im indecisive and my mood is always changing dflsdjf lsdfjsldjf. haha so i found out that he was with debbie and matt at ikea when i called him so deb texted me saying ";]" haha! betch... so i picked him up infront of matt's house then we went allll the way to chino so i can see his new house.

anyway...i seriously have misinterpretation problems. i think? what i got from him before was that he doesnt want to be with me anymore at all. EVER. so i have set my mind of "never going to happen at all " so after the past few weeks ive been trying to just move on, forget about it. and that day i seriously did not expect anything.

then suddenly while we were in his room he goes "hey, do you think there will ever be an "us" again?"
so i was like wtf? uhhh idk...i really dont know.
so he explains to me what he meant the last time we talked, and he meant that he wanted to wait a little bit longer.
then he gets closer and closer and hugs me. and it all came down cause im weak like that. atleast when it comes to him.
i didnt mean that thie whole scenario was bad, i meant it in a good way.
i dont know how this will turn out but im really happy right now. seriously i am. :]
we talked about things that went wrong and how to make it better. it seems to be much better now.
like ashley said "just take it as it is" so i did, i let go of everything that happened before and start new :]

SO later that day i hung out with ash. went ot huntington to eat at this japanese place. its pretty cool, you get to cook your own meat in a bbq pit int the middle of your table. i guess its different from t hose korean bbq places. BUT the highlight of that restaurant was our drenching hott server hahahh. he was soooo hottt. he has that smile that just makes you nervous lmao. he kneels down to on the floor so he can talk to us face to face. omg sooo cuuutee and polite. we left our numbers after and wrote "CALL ME!" hahah, he never called :[ lol

more things happened but im too lazyyyy so tootles for now yall

i really

FEEL LIKE SCREAMING MY LUNGS OUT!

seriously leave me the eff alone! this is hard enough for me, just pretend that nothing ever happened between us.



ill talk to you in a year or something.

i hate technology

so yesterday was an overall good day. went to history class ACTUALLY in time haha. read and took notes for music during the hour break. went to sociology class and realized that im way ahead of that class and i don't have to read for a while cause i took notes when i read the chapter. in that class, we were asked to get in groups and answer questions:

Are people born gay, alcoholics or criminals?

i was like wtheck, uh ok lemme think
i think that people are not not meant to be born gay, yet are predisposed to be gay kind of like his/her destiny. However, some people choose to turn gay because they feel like they can relate more to the opposite sex since most similar genders have the same general ideals for a spouse? mate? idk.. haha think about bisexuals they don't pick according to gender, but according to the connection..atleast that's what i think? and some people turn gay because of the way they grew up and where they grew up.

i think that no one is born as an alcoholic, it really a person's choice to drink or not. to quite or not. some people in my class said that people who have an alcoholic blood line are more vulnerable to be alcoholics, i guess that can be true since technically someone said that their bodies crave and can easily depend on alcohol than others.

i dont think people are born criminals either. people are naturally born to be greedy in order to survive (survival of the fittest), but that does not necessarily mean that they will commit a crime. they can show competition through other routes like competing in school, work, etc.. better education = a better and more set life (my own opinion). i think that committing a crime also depends on what a certain society considers a crime..someone can kill a dog in one and not get in trouble and in the U.S. its cruel and you can go to jail. committing crime also depends on your environment if you were raised in poverty or not,if your parents spent more time with you, if you hang out with the right crowd, and if you have a strong will...

yeahhhh i got too carried away with these analysiseseseses.

ANNYWAYYY. went to music class and went home.and lemme tell you how much i hate texting. well not texting, it actually when people text too much in general. it irritates me when:
1. people text while youre having dinner, so rude
2. people text while youre talkin to them
3.. people text at special events and that's all they do the whole time.
4. people text each other in the car while youre driving
and more..

its sooo rude! whatever happened to actually enjoying other people's company? please only text when you need to. ugh

fsgdfg

Wow haven't blogged in a while...
had alot of fun things since spring semester stared. some guy in my history class thought i was cute and asked me out but i wasnt really interested to i told him i had a bf. haha?have a bio teacher who knows about the "dick in the box song" hahah, went clubbing yesterday with debbie and liana, and my friend AJ was there too! how random! got us in for free XD yay! danced with a tall black guy whose croch was on my back while he was dancing, REALLY awkward and weird. hahah. well, aj had her friends with her too and i met this boy, and how can i forget his name?! he was really cute, atleast i think so. XD hehe. aj told me to dance with him but it was weird since she told me that like right infront of his face. liana's ex was there too haha everyone was there! it was weird. i saw some walnut people toooo O_O it was asian night or something hahah. he dances really well,O_O team millenia performed and hung out there which was awesome! THEN, some titie contest came on and all the boys were like YEAHH!! while all the girls were hating hahah. poor debbie fanced with a 25 year old drunk filiipino who supposedly has a child ? LOL! and i danced with franz'z cousin? who was a good dancer but had a tent....O_o. talkin about this makes me feel like im still in highschool. there some old fart white girls there. and one was totally drunk and started babbling to me in the bathroom cause she thought i cut her off in line while going in the bathroom! wtheck?!

hmm what else, oh! went to the beach on such a perfect day with matt, that was fun :]

anyway, I've been through alot since the last time i blogged here.
broke up with my bf almost 2 months ago for something thats not my fault... felt like a fool. like a realllll idiot...realized that whoever will put me through the same thing does not deserve me.But then again, i keep on telling that to myself and i still keep on coming back.. like a stupid dumbass. all my pride was seriously thrown away down the drain, and i felt powerless, hopeless, and again, very stupid. i just cant believe that i did all that shit. i didn't get the type of apology i wanted either...
NOW..im moving on, trying to get busy.. its sad to say that all i can do now is hate him..i hate him so much. Id rather feel that hatred than hold on to something that will never be....i. am. such. a. loser... a loser for a fucken loser... he seriously pissed me off that day he sat where i sat in sociology class. its like wtf are you doing?! he looks at his friend with an "awkward look" and i wanted to punch his face. seriously wtf was he doing?! wth did he expect ?! why would you sit on the table ive been sitting on for the past month?! attention whore.

ugh no more dumb boys. who does shit cause "everyones doing it"..seriously weak.

i saw a concert with matt today at fullerton. it was soooo interesting. it hought it was gonna be boring since its like a choir concert that i just needed to go to for my music class, but it was pretty fun :]. then p90, and i felt like crap cause i felt so lazyyy..ssdjfjlskd
im tired. time to shower and sleep. tootles!