Turn around

WOW..sp my life practically chnaged in one week. I GOT MY LISCENCE BWUAHAHAHHAAHAHAH BWWWUUUAHAHAHAHAH!! haha. new freedom ehhyyy? i dont know why i waited till im 18 to get my liscence. i guess i just didnt feel the need to drive before until my senior year. O_O. yeah im weird like that. I was pretty much content with how it was before. :], I got a laptop today too. Feels like a new beginning....:]

Anyway, yesterday i spent some time with my friend ashley. It was pretty cool, knowing that i drove my car :D haha. so we went to pho, then this really cool korean market. She bought me a really cute domo key chain for my car keys XD and i still cant stop looking and playing with it haha.She bought one of those thingies you hang on your phone. It looks exactly like a piece of bread. O_o really.hahhah i would like to have one but my phone does not have one of those special hanging compartments. sigh sigh sighh. oh well haha. Then visited debbie at her work, then went to go get gas for the first time myself. O_O haha "oh its going now,,,wait whyd it stop, oh its going! wait no..-_- uhhh" hahah. Then to the mall and just browsed around. Then went back to chino hills to drop her off, but went to the park nearby first. It was pretty chill, a little catch up. (ketchup? HAHA). pretty peaceful at that park ...pretty niceee

So i was supposed to hang out with my bf after. We talked on the phone at like 7 00 ish at night and he said that he would take a nap first since he was tired from work THEN he'll call me and were gonna hang out. So i waited...and realized it was 10 PM so i was like..."again"...Sighhh. oh well. I called him but he didnt answer. I guess it just makes me feel sad that he could wake up to his alarm to go to work but not for me.....

So i ended up picking up vivian at 12 30 and thats when my bf finally woke up to call me...he just woke up...oh well i told him that i was picking up vivian and he sounded all emo probably thinking whyy im hanging out with her when We were supposed to hang out. Well i called, and he didnt answer and plus he didnt give me a time so i figured we'd just hang out the next day. I've been going with his schedule this whole time, and now that i get my own, he gets all sad about it..now he knows how i feel but mins is like time 3890248 times., then we went to debs and hung out infront of her house. THEN haha vivian and I went to seven eleven since she said she was starving. And took her back home at like 1 30. Then bf calls me againnasking if i could pick him up at his friends house (since he walked there cause his car was blocked, and he argued with his mom cause she followed him around O_o...ya) So i hurried o pick him up. We went to my house and he told me all about it. I didnt want to scold him about all the stuff that he had done that night..or in correction that stuff that he didnt do that night..but i decided to let it go..since he just had a huge arguement with his mother.. He slept over..and i dont know\. It was different..in a good way. Call me a fool but i think he finally realized that he has taken me for granted. Now that im not always around waiting for him all the time. Yet i still manage to still be there right away when he needs me...Sound crazy? maybe. hahah whatever im crazy..

No more logic.

Well so far it seems as if things with me and kevin got better today? I cant really make any logical explanation as of why I am doing the things that i am at this point...Maybe all i can say is, once the ugly truth is out, the fear of hurting someone you love with your honest feelings start to disappear. I guess this honesty is really better than sincere lies, and careful wording towards someone who you know loves you. I have noticed a more laid back us...no going around the bushes to say any thoughts no matter what they are and I like that. Why couldnt it be like this before? really... My close friends all say that i deserve someone better, and i know that, but i really have thrown all my logic out the door, well most, i still have some left? haha. Yeah, im not scared anymore to really say and show how i feel even if it gets him mad or sad...it makes things easier to let go..It makes forgive and forget become such a little task for me, and it seems like for him as well. It makes the weight on my shoulders lighter...
So all i can ask is, what is really left? What am i to do with the oh so complicating "i love you but not in love with you?" What am i doing here? I dont know anymore. Id rather let things disappate than let go all of a sudden and suddenly want the person back right away...

ANYWAY, went to the orientation that i didnt need to go to. Met people, but i shouldve taken some numbers -_- guess that wasnt on my mind. Im excited for school XD. I want to work on campus so im going to look at it tomorrow, or maybe even after this. heehee. Hey it makes life easier right? Plus you get to meet people that can become your future bff hahah (paris) or someone that can come in handy and dandy in the future. Im excited to drive, to move out (if i am *crosses finger* stupid financial aid is being weird).. weeee! Just cant wait to really be out there. Joined the volunteer organization csuf and found out about this hospital that goes to mexico monthly to help medically, and i sooooo want to do it! Ive been wanting to do this type of stuff but i dont know where to start. And i get to go to the gym for free, noice! screw 24 hour fitness!! haha. The scavenger hunt was really tiring but my team ended up not winning :[. oh well. but guess what?! We had a raffle and suf gave away different types of prizes and shananigans, and while there were at it i told my bf that "iim the most unlucky person in the world", they called my name O_o HAHA. I got to get gift certificates for rubios and golden spoom, a clock thing? a hat and a little booklet with a pen? anything free is good right? lol. I also won a tshirt XD. And this is getting too long....so i wont say anymore.


TAH TAH

it ends where it began

Nice picture huh? This is me and my boyfriend today. It can really be deceiving ta first glance...normal happy couple taking a happy picture together. But underneath this picture comes sadness, and a relationship's fragile existance....Today, we have admitted that we both loved each other but were not IN LOVE...Take this picture and put it in with a sad song, and you'll get a girl staring at an ending, a goodbye. "i just wish i met you later on in life" he said, and i felt the same way.No lie, i have loved him more than anyone in my life and i mean that. After all the time of trying to fix the knotts , we came to find that the rope ends where it began. We went to the park today with a matt, a pillow and a blanket... lying down together while in our minds, the things we have been thinking about-- us, school, and pretty much whats in store for the rest of our lives. Arroyo park, where he had asked me to be his, became the park where we finally both agreed that an "us" will not work out at this time of our lives...a possibility of later on? maybe? i dont know. We have digged a hole of adventures, happiness, sadness, love, and laughter--treasures...only to find that its purpose was to be slowly burried as our feelings slowly starts to deteriorate...I cant see him as my soul mate and neither can he. Its really more tragic to find that theres an agreement between lost feelings. Its a guaranteed 100% farewell...as someone youre in love becomes someone you USED to be in love with, but still loves in a a strange way...Everything does not matter now... the things that we got wrong, flaws, our problems and faults... Im focusing on cherishing every ounce of love and time we have left...

We decided stay together a little bit longer for the time being...but we both come to terms that this is one of those slow good byes. So here it is....im counting down...

scatter brain

Well since vivian has showed me the urks and stuff of blog spot (just finished talking to her on the phone for 2 HOURS while shes in vegas) i decided to make one cause it seems very "theraputic". Well what else can a psychotic girl do? haha jk. Anyway my summer has been awesomely horrible, in cliche, a rollercoaster. But all i can say is that this summer has really helped me get to know myself better. I realized that i cant please everyone nor can i get along with everyone i meet, or someone who i used to get along with. it sucks, but reality just slapped my face. haha.
anyway, this summer i have grown to love the beach much much more than ever before..oh how relaxing and fun the beach is. and so far my current addiction is venice beach. Theres probably plenty of better beaches out there, but it can wait bwuahah. The first time i went was with my brother and my cousin from Canada (my summer is awesome thanks to his visit). Went to universal studios with the cousin, my aunt, and two of my brothers. It was pretty fun, except the fact that my aunt seemed like she was in a hurry to take us around O_O. blehh. Next stop is venice beach the next day and all i can say is IM IN LOVE. haha just so many shops, food, and ofcourse the beach. combine it all together and you get heaven for me. I dont know, the place is just so lively, so much diversity. hand made bracelates, earrings, bags i love it :]. then hollywood, with those people dressed up as character. ZORO pulled me over to take a picture with my bf, and suddenly yoda popped out too. weird combo? yeah. then they asked for tip. those f*ckers, i didnt ask for a picture! haha. took pictures everywhere like a tourist lol, then shopped around, then had the best food at PALMS mmmm. knocked out in the car and took pictures of my bf while he was sleeping. he always looks funny.. ha!
Went to six falgs the next day, including my bf again, FUN FUN FUN but i hated the lines. killed the thrill of the whole thing. its like rollercoaster for like a 2 min then waiting for like an hour. freakishly tiring.


My loveky grandma turned 90 this summer, and i have to say her party was pretty fabulous haha. Its funny how her invitations said "dont miss out on this legendary moment" haha, pretty funny. i love my grandma. But her children are out of control! haha rebels who make life so complicating. so many secret families i have. I met my "supposedly" cousin from a woman who was never married to my uncle. Heard that my grandma preffered her more, and i saw why, she was so nice, and sophisticated, than the one my uncle actually married (which i know is crazy , not literally but just you know..ill tell you but its sooo long). Anyway my "aunt" (the one my uncle did not marry, technically shes my aunt cause her daugter is my cousin) visited the day after with my cousin and 3 of her children (who by the way are the cutest things ever!). We ended up going to the beach with them (VENICE BEACH ironically heehee, then we ate out in LA) and i got to know them which was pretty cool, i just wish i knew them much longer cause "theyre still strangers" feeling is still in me.but it was really cool meeting them. anyway 2 of my other uncles have secret families as well, yeah i know right? its a sope opera. and thats not all the drama on my moms side. my dads side is pretty sane LOL, and theyre pretty much who i grew up with so im pretty familiar with all of them.

anyway this is getting too long and im tired of typing. my brain is still scattered. ill blog later. tah tah!